


Remember us

by AvatarMeka2000



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora is Whipped (She-Ra), Adora is in Love with Catra (She-Ra), Amnesia, Best Friend Squad (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Catra has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (She-Ra), Catra is in Love with Adora (She-Ra), Dorks in Love, F/F, Flashbacks, Horde Prime was a cult leader, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Horde Prime (She-Ra), Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Canon, Religious Cults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28093878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvatarMeka2000/pseuds/AvatarMeka2000
Summary: During a routine scouting mission, Catra gets into an accident. When she wakes up, she can't remember anything or anyone. Including Adora and their entire life.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), George/Lance (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 188





	1. The incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings will vary in each chapter.

"Ok, everyone. Split up in teams and be careful." Glimmer instructed.

The large group gave varying forms on acknowledgement before breaking up. Catra latched onto She-ra, grinning deviously up at the goddess.

"You're with me, princess." She declared. 

She-ra giggled, looking down at Catra. 

"I know. Lucky me. C'mon."

Cleaning up the Fright Zone was quite a task. One that had taken multiple days. Today, the clean up crew up, including the princess Alliance, the famous Best Friend Squad, a group Horde clones, Hordak, and other volunteers, were scouting a mine that was under Horde control. It was basically a giant cave. There were metal tracks on the ground, meant for the mine carts to extract the resources of the mine. It had taken a ton of damage during Horde Prime's invasion. 

There were piles of rubble everywhere. The support beams were cracked and damaged. 

Catra had no idea who thought this was a good idea. Seriously, who thought it was good idea to explore a unstable mine? This place was falling apart around them. Of course, her dumbass girlfriend and friends outnumbered her, so they went. 

Adora and Catra were paired up, along with Melog. Adora was in She-ra form. Extra strength didn't hurt to have. It definitely helped Catra to know she had her around in case anything should happen. Who knew just how unstable the structure was after all this time. The two ventured into the mine, Adora holding up a glowing lantern for light. 

Catra's ears were twitching, her senses heightened, ready to detect any odd sounds that could mean danger. Could never be too comfortable. She eyed the mine's black, rock walls, noting the damage done. 

"Damn. This place is really fucked." She commented. "Doesn't surprise me, but still."

Adora hummed in agreement. 

"Have you ever come down here?" She asked. "You know, since you were second in command and all. Ever needed to check on things down here?"

Catra shook her head. 

"Not knowingly, at least." 

Adora looked Catra's way, brows furrowed.

"Meaning?"

Catra caught her stare. She stopped and turned to her girlfriend. Her arms crossed over chest, her eyes avoiding Adora, uncomfortable with the topic. She waved her hand, trying to seem flippant. 

"Eh. Shadow Weaver would force me to come here as punishment to work for a few hours. She wouldn't tell me where I was. Said I didn't need to know, and to just get to work. Had my lungs all fucked up for a few days each time."

Adora's eyes widened. Another way that Shadow Weaver harmed Catra. Forced labor. Thinking back, Adora could remember a younger Catra coming back from going missing for a day or two, using some excuse that she was just helping Hordak with something and not to think too much about it. Catra had a cough for a few days, wheezing in her sleep when she slept. Adora had taken her to a hidden corner and had her sit down. Adora had rubbed her small, bony back, using a hot bowl of water to steam her lungs clear. 

"So, that's why you were having trouble breathing sometimes. You told me you were asthmatic."

Catra shrugged, grinning innocently.

"She told me to not tell anyone where I was. Plus, I didn't want you to worry."

Adora's body slouched. Every time she learned something new that Catra had gone through in the Horde, it reignited her anger towards Shadow Weaver, and her admiration of Catra's strength. Though, it still made her horrified at the intense abuse done to her as a child.

"Cat..."

Catra rolled her eyes, turning around to keep walking, obviously trying to brush it off. Adora sped up to keep up with her.

"Not that big of a deal." Catra dismissed sternly.

Adora frowned. Using She-ra's taller form, she walked faster, stepping in front of Catra, blocking the Magicat's path. Adora knelt down so they were on somewhat even level.

"Catra. It's a big deal. Please don't downplay anything Shadow Weaver did to you. You didn't deserve that, just so you remember."

Catra stared at the glowing princess in front of her. Adora held her stare, challenging her to argue. It wouldn't be the first time they'd had this discussion and wouldn't be the last. Catra's tough facade finally cracked, her face softened with a sigh. She smiled softly. Catra stepped closer to her. Adora wrapped a muscular arm around Catra's waist. The light of the lantern illuminated their faces. 

"Ok, dummy. Thanks for caring." Catra conceded, knowing it was a losing battle.

Adora pressed their foreheads together, love clear in her eyes.

"Of course, kitten. Someone has to bring you out of that mean head of yours. You tend to get lost without me to pull you out."

Catra couldn't help the goofy grin spreading across her face. 

"I know. Thanks, Dora. I love you."

Adora's smile brightened. Pressing a kiss to Catra's lips, she gently squeezed the smaller woman in her arms.

"I love you, too, Cat. So much."

After another moment, Catra stepped back.

"C'mon, dummy. Let's keep going."

Adora stood up, holding Catra's hand. Technically, it was Catra's hand wrapped around two of She-ra's fingers. She was much bigger and that included her hands. It made the couple look more like an adult and child with the size difference.

Melog, who the couple had forgotten was there, winded around Catra's legs, purring loudly. Catra smiled at them, scratching behind their ears. 

The three of them walked, occasionally stopping to check a particular area that caught their attention. She-ra would lift heavy boulders and rubble to clear the path. They had pretty good progress. 

Eventually, they discovered a section of the mine that made them stop and stare in awe. Crystals. Bright, glowing crystals covered the surface of the mine. They were beautiful. Each of them multi-colored, and sparkly. Breathtaking.

"Whoa." Adora breathed. 

Catra whistled, impressed.

"Wow. Didn't think this would be here." She muttered, taking in the beautiful sight.

"We should tell the others." Adora suggested.

Catra nodded. "You go ahead. I'll stay with Melog and check it out."

Adora frowned, not liking that idea. She looked at Catra, uncertainty in her eyes.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want you alone in case anything happens. They could be magical. We don't know what they can do."

Catra felt endeared, yet slightly annoyed by her girlfriend's protectiveness. She understood Adora's logic, but didn't see it necessary. Waving away the concerns, she stepped further into the room.

"We'll be fine, babe. Just go on ahead and get the others. You'll only miss me for a minute or two. I won't touch anything."

Catra held up her right hand before crossing over her heart. 

"Cross my heart. Now go."

Catra had to shoo Adora away. Adora eventually let up and hurried away, glancing back at Catra once more before disappearing. Catra sighed, shaking her head.

"Idiot." 

Melog trilled, rubbing up against Catra, glowing pink. Catra blushed bright pink, petting Melog's body. 

"She's a big dork. Gotta love her, huh, buddy." Catra giggled, talking to Melog.

Catra looked back at the crystals. She got curious. Walking further into the room, she examined the glowing rocks. 

"I wonder if they're worth something. Maybe magic-fueled." She said to herself, going into Royal Advisor mode. "Maybe Brightmoon could trade these if they're valuable to someone. I'll ask Entrapta to check them out."

Catra saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, she saw Melog sniffing around. 

"What's up, bud?" Catra asked.

Melog looked up at her, yowling.

"Something weird. These rocks smell strange. Melog noted"

Strange? Looking back at the wall of crystals, Catra went to take a closer look. Sniffing, Catra's nose began to tickle. She sneezed. Yup, magic. Rubbing her itchy nose, Catra hummed. She looked at the rocks again. The glowing seemed to intensify. They sparkled enticingly. Catra tilted her head. Before, she knew what was happening, she reached out to touch the brightest crystal. What surprised her was her handing only touching air, going straight through the gems. Catra's eyes widened, pulling her hand back in confusion.

"What the-"

Catra didn't get to finish her sentence, because the ground suddenly crumbled out from under her. Catra screamed. Then, she was gone.

Melog, who had seen the whole thing, scampered over to the hole. Suddenly, the hole seemed to magically cover itself. It looked like nothing had happened. However, Catra was gone. This was bad. Something wasn't right here.

Companion is in danger. Must get help.

Melog sprung into action, sprinting in the direction they'd just come from. Passing by other search groups, Melog searched for their intended targets. Glancing around, the large alien cat spotted Companion's mate and friends. Scurrying over to the approaching group, Melog meowed in warning. 

Adora frowned when she saw Melog hurrying towards them, clearly panicked.

"Melog?" She said, confused. 

Melog stopped in front of the group, their mane flashing red. That wasn't good.

"Did something happen?" Bow asked the alien. 

Melog looked back from where they'd come running from, then back at the group.

"Is something wrong with Catra?" Adora immediately asked, fearing what the answer would be.

Melog would never come to her, in clear distress, alone, unless Catra was in need of help. Adora had a terrible feeling.

"Take us to her, buddy." Bow instructed immediately.

Melog quickly led the group back to where Adora left them. The group looked around the now empty cave.

"Catra?" Adora called, panic in her voice.

She got no answer. 

"She was right here." She told the others. "I only left these two to get you guys."

The others were busy looking around at the glowing crystals.

"Wow." 

"This place is so pretty." Scorpia said, clearly mesmerized.

Adora snapped her fingers, catching their attention.

"Hello? Catra. Missing. Focus." She reminded them, sort of harshly.

That seemed to snapped them out it. Glimmer frowned, glancing around, this time analyzing the space.

"Something's off." She said. "I can feel it."

Bow looked around at the gems. He went to walk towards them, when Glimmer pulled him back.

"Hold on, Bow. This area is filled with magic. Not the good kind."

Adora and Bow looked at one another. Adora then looked at Melog, who was sniffing the ground.

"Did you see where she went?" Adora questioned.

Melog looked at her for a moment before pawing at the ground in the center of the miniature cave. They tried to dig into the hard ground, but it wasn't very effective. Adora and the others seemed to have gotten the message, anyway.

"Catra went down there?" Adora raised a brow, thoroughly confused. "Are you sure? How?"

It was solid ground. Where would Catra have gone? 

Melog yowled again, looking over at the wall of glittering gems. Glimmer hummed, curiously. 

"Let me check something. Stand back." She said.

Everyone did as told and gave Glimmer room, clearing the space. The young queen took a deep breath and then exhaled. Her hands glowed with magic. She drew a sigil in midair. She pressed her hand against the sigil. The sigil burst, covering the cave with her magic. The crystals vanished, and so did the ground. 

Gasps came from everyone. A large, deep hole was revealed. 

Glimmer turned to her friends, shocked.

"It was all an illusion." She said.

"More like a trap." Adora said, approaching the hole. 

Melog was peering down at the hole. Adora took a look, using a lantern to light the dark hole, and gasped in horror.

"Catra!" She exclaimed.

The others rushed to the hole. Looking down, at the bottom, they could see Catra lying there, not moving. Adora, without hesitating, used her magic to jump down into the dark hole. 

"Be careful!" Bow warned her, not liking this one bit. 

Adora landed at the bottom. Looking up, she could see everyone else looking down at her. 

"I'm alright." She called to reassure them.

Then her attention went to Catra. Dropping to her knees beside her, Adora gently rolled Catra over onto her back. There was a bleeding gash on Catra's forehead, probably where she'd hit it on her fall down. Adora gently lifted Catra's limp body, cradling the smaller woman in her arms as she examined Catra for any signs of life. 

"Catra? Can you hear me?" She asked softly, her hands hovering over her girlfriend's body. 

The shallow rise and fall of Catra's chest eased her biggest fear. Adora pressed an ear to Catra's chest. Her heart beat was a little weak, but steady. 

"It's gonna be ok." She said to the unconscious feline. "Just hang on."

Adora focused her magic, letting it pour into Catra. The warmth of She-ra's healing spread through her body. The bruises and scrapes vanished, leaving only a limp, unconscious Catra. Adora became worried when she didn't even stir. 

"Is she alright?" She heard from above. 

Looking up, Adora saw the others looking down at her, clearly worried.

"I don't know." Adora called back. "She's not waking up."

Adora stood up, Catra securely cradle against her chest. She bent her legs and jumped out of the hole. Landing back on ground level, Adora turned to Bow and Glimmer, looking down at Catra. 

"Is she hurt?" Scorpia asked, concerned for her fest friend. 

"It looked like she hit her head." Adora explained. "I healed her, but we'll have to see if she wakes up."

Glimmer contemplated for a moment before speaking.

"Let's all call it a day. I should call my dad and aunt to check this place out for more magically hidden traps." 

Adora looked back at the large hole that had been expertly hidden. If this was here, who knew how many other traps were laid out in this place. It wasn't safe. 

"You're right. We don't want anyone else to get hurt. Let's head back to the castle. Catra needs to rest when she wakes up."

After informing the others what the incident, they all filed out of the mine, careful to not touch anything else. The princess alliance headed for the castle, immediately informing the med staff. The royal medics had Catra set up in a bed immediately. Micah and Castaspella were called. After being explained the situation, the two mages got to work with the medics. 

Meanwhile, the others were forced to wait outside in the halls until things were settled. Adora wasn't happy about it. As soon as she'd left the room, her nervous pacing began. 

Glimmer and Bow were used to her habits by now, and simply stood by and let her do her thing.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." Perfuma said, trying to reassure Adora. "You used She-ra healing, so there shouldn't be anything to worry about."

Adora sighed. She knew Perfuma was right. Catra was healed. The medics probably would just check her vitals and such. Once Catra woke up, they'd be certain everything would be fine. Catra was strong. A fall like this wasn't going to take her out. 

Adora stopped pacing. She took a calming breath. 

"You're right. She'll be ok. I'm just worried about her."

Bow smirked.

"Uh you're always worried about her." He corrected.

Adora stuck her tongue out, but didn't deny it. 

They waited a bit longer before Micah came out of the med room, catching everyone's attention. 

"She's waking up." He said, his tone relieved and urgent.

The others wasted no time, Micah moving so they could come back in. Quickly walking over to where Catra's bed was, they could see the medics standing by. Adora rushed to the side of the bed, looking down at Catra, to see her stirring. 

"Hey, Catra. C'mon, wake up, sleepyhead."

Catra slowly blinked her eyes open, slowly coming to. She rubbed her head, wincing at the bright lights. 

"What?... where am I?" She asked.

"You're in the med room." Micah explained.

It took a moment, but Catra was fully aware of her surroundings, her eyes taking in each person. Her brows scrunched together, her eyes darting around.

"Where am I?" She asked, sitting up quickly.

"Take it easy, Cat. You were injured." She insisted, placing a hand on Catra's arm.

What surprised everyone was when Catra flinched, looking at Adora like she was a threat. Adora was taken aback by the reaction. Catra hadn't flinched at her touch like this before. The look in Catra's eyes, would haunt Adora for some time.

"Who are you people and what the fuck is going on?" She growled, her tail puffing up in defense.

That wasn't what any of them expected her to say. Adora froze, staring at her girlfriend in shock. What did she mean? Did she not recognize them? 

Adora forced a laugh.

"Nice one, Catra. Very funny." She said, her voice shaky.

Catra's guarded expression didn't change. It only mixed in with confusion.

"Catra? Is that my name?" She asked.

No one was laughing. Catra wasn't kidding. 

Glimmer looked to her dad, eyes wide. The man was just as shocked as everyone else. He cleared his throat, gaining the attention of Catra. The Magicat woman looked at Micah, eyeing him for any signs of being a threat. 

"Yes, your name is Catra." Micah answered. "You're in Brightmoon. In the castle."

Catra's eyes widened.

"This is a castle?!" She exclaimed. "Why am I in a castle? Who are you people?"

Micah sighed. He motioned for everyone to stand back and give Catra space. Adora stayed by Catra's side, staring at her like her heart had been broken.

Micah sat on a chair that was nearby, bringing it closer to the bed. Sitting down, he looked at Catra with a curious look.

"What do you remember? What's your last memory?" He questioned. 

Catra looked confused for a moment. She thought for a moment. Her brows pinched together.

"Um... I-I remember going to sleep." She answered, unsure. 

"Do you remember what the place looked like?" Micah then pushed a little. 

After another moment of silence, Catra looked around.

"Not here. The place I fell asleep was darker. I remember the blanket being itchy. And I wasn't laying down on this part of the bed."

"What do you mean?" Micah asked.

Catra pointed to the end of the bed.

"I fell asleep curled up at the end of the bed. I was lying on to of someone. Like, their feet or something."

Micah looked to Adora, not understanding. Adora's eyes widened in realization. Micah noticed this. He looked back at Catra. 

"You were sleeping at someone's feet? What else can you remember that day? Do you remember who was there?"

"I-I don't know. It's all confusing and blurry."

Lifting her eyes, Catra nearly jumped out of her fur, scrambling back in a panic. Everyone turned to see what she was looking at. Melog was sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, their form small, hunched over as if trying to hide. Their body was changing from blue to green to orange. 

Adora turned back to Catra.

"Oh, this is Melog. He's your alien companion." Adora explained, gaging Catra's reaction.

Catra stared at Melog, still somewhat panicked and tense. Adora glanced at Melog. 

"C'mon Melog. No need to be afraid. It's only Catra. She just can't remember us." Adora encouraged. 

Melog looked at Catra, before slowly perking up. They crept up the bed, wary, Catra the same way. Adora watched the two staring at one another. She glanced at Catra, hoping to see any form of recognition in her eyes. Nothing.

Melog yowled at Catra, who couldn't look more bewildered if she tried. 

"What the?" 

Catra looked around at the others, pleading foe guidance.

"They can talk?" She questioned. 

Adora made a face.

"Eh. They're bonded to you, so actually only you can understand them. They're your friend."

Catra finally looked at Adora again. Her head tilted slightly as she stare at Adora. Her eyes wandered over Adora's face, as if trying to figure something out. 

"I know you from somewhere." Catra seemed to realize. "I know your face."

Adora's eyes widened. Catra recognized her? Her of all people? This was the best thing Adora could ever hear. Her excitement must've shown, because Catra then looked at her curiously, her stare intense.

"So we've met." she gathered. "Ok, that's good, I think."

Adora deflated a little at the weight of the words. Met. They'd done so much more than just meet. Catra didn't remember her. Them. 

Although her heart was breaking, Adora found it in her to nod.

"Yeah. We know each other." She confirmed. "You know us all."

Catra seemed to relax at the information. She glanced around at her audience. She took in each face. She looked as if she were trying to find the puzzle pieces, but they were missing. She faced Adora once again, deep in thought as she stared at Adora.

"I.... I remember metal. Loud, clanking pipes. Shadows, too... um...A-something. AAA.... gosh what was it?"

Catra dropped her head into her hands in frustration. Suddenly her head shot up.

"ADORA!" She shouted. 

She turned to Adora, excitement on her face.

"That's your name! Right?"

Adora smiled and nodded. "Right."

Catra looked pleased with herself.

"Cool. So, you're Adora and I'm Catra. Huh, our names sound similar."

Adora tried to hide in pain of that statement. They did, but Catra couldn't remember why.

"Yeah. Um, Catra?"

Catra's head tilted to the right slightly.

"Anything else you last remember?"

Anything? Something. Adora was desperate.

Catra rubbed her cheek, contemplating.

"Um... I remember you. We were sleeping, I think. That's why I was sleeping on the bed. You were there, too. I remember..."

Catra's gaze wandered back to Adora. 

"I remember something about a.... promotion? I don't know why? There was this clip thingy you had. Um.."

She lit up for a moment.

"And Uh, when I was sleeping, you got up. I got up too. Then I went back to bed without you there."

Adora's heart sank. That was the day she'd left the Horde for good. She'd snuck out and Catra had caught her. Adora reassured her that she would come back, but never did. Adora's tongue went dry. 

"Anything else?" 

Catra shook her head.

"Nope."

Adora processed the information. Scratching the back of her neck, she looked to the others. Micah stood up.

"Well, I think you're wondering what happened."

Catra nodded.

"No brainer." She scoffed. "I mean if you want to keep me in the dark, that wouldn't exactly help my case."

Still sassy. That's good.

Micah found it amusing. He was used to Catra's snark. 

"Well, what happened was..."

They gave Catra an account of the incident. Melog cut in occasionally, telling Catra what they had witnessed, being the only one to see if all go down. Catra was the only one who needed to hear them anyway, so it was great that she could understand them. That hadn't changed, either.

"So, it looks like there is amnesia due to the blows to the head." Casta finished. "Though, I'm not sure why. She-ra healed you."

Catra raised a brow. "She-ra?"

Adora spoke up.

"That's me. Um, I'm kind of a princess, goddess-warrior type of person, I guess. It's complicated to explain. Why don't I just show you?"

Looking around at the others, everyone shrugged. Couldn't hurt. Adora stood up and backed up. Summoning the sword of protection, Adora transformed into She-ra. Catra was staring at her in awe. It was like all those months ago, when Catra had seen She-ra's new look forward the first time on Darla. 

Adora grinned.

"So, yeah. She-ra's power comes from this sword."

She showed the sword in her hand. 

"It's kind of passed down from one She-ra to the next once the current She-ra does, I guess. Not sure. I've only ever met the first and previous She-ra. Her name was Mara."

Catra blinked at her. 

"So... you're like... really tall and powerful." She summarized.

Adora laughed. Leave it to Catra to toss out details she deemed unnecessary and keep the important details. Adora transformed back to her normal form. She sat back down in her chair.

"Yeah. Pretty much." She said. "Though I've only used She-ra for when heavy lifting is needed. During the war-"

"War?" Catra cut her off. "There was a war? Here?"

Adora's smile faltered. Catra really didn't remember anything. 

A hand on her shoulder got her attention. Glimmer stood there, smiling softly.

"There's a lot of stuff you've forgotten. Don't worry about all that right now. For now, I think introductions are in order."

Catra exhaled, her shoulders releasing some of the tension.

"That would be appreciated."

Glimmer went around the room, introducing everyone. When she got to Scorpia, the woman waved excitedly.

"Hi, Wildcat! Just, so you know. We're like best friends." She gushed. "You, me, and Entrapta over here."

She pointed a pincer at Entrapta, who waved with her hair, which baffled Catra. 

"We're all part of the Super Pal Trio. Just a name I came up with for us."

Catra nodded slowly, a ghost of a smile on her face. 

"Yeah!" Bow cut in. "And you, Adora, Glimmer, and I are the Best Friend Squad. I came up with that name."

Catra snorted. "Dumb names, but ok."

Bow never looked so happy to be insulted by Catra before. As he talked, Adora spaced out. She couldn't help the pang of hurt that hit her heart. Catra, was anything but Catra. She looked like Catra, talked like Catra, but wasn't her Catra. 

With a heavy heart, Adora stood up and slipped away. She had to be alone for a moment. Stepping out of the room, she moved to lean against the wall beside the doorway. With a sigh, Adora slid down to sit on the floor, her head in her hands. 

That's how Casta found her. The woman had gone to look for her, but was relieved to find her close by. 

"Adora." She said softly, getting the attention of said girl.

Adora looked up at her, her usual spark not anywhere to be found. Casta sighed. She took a seat next to Adora, legs folded underneath her. She had a comforting smile on her face.

"We're going to do all that we can to bring her memories back. She's still in there somewhere. I don't know what happened to have caused her amnesia, but I'm sure we'll find out eventually. How are you handling this?"

Adora rested her chin on her knees, hugging them. How was she? Confused, scared, like her world had just shattered.

"She doesn't remember me. Us. After all we've been through, it's gone just like that."

She snapped her fingers for emphasis. 

"She means everything to me, and she has no memory of that."

Casta placed a comforting hand on Adora's shoulder.

"We'll figure this out. Together. We always do. I don't think there's a force in the entire universe that could keep you two apart for very long. Things always go in your favor when it comes to one another."

Adora smiled. Casta was right. All they've been through, every obstacle they'd faced, couldn't keep them from finding each other again. Her and Catra were meant to be together. No matter what. They'd promised.

"She'll need you more than ever now." Casta commented. "She's lost and frankly, terrified. She only knows you, if only your name and face. She needs you to be a helping hand through this, I'm sure. To help her remember, or just be a familiar face to support her. You know her better than anyone. She'll want to talk to you. Tell her stuff. Think you can handle that?"

For Catra? Of course Adora can handle that? She wouldn't want anyone else to be a constant helpful friend for Catra until her memories are back, however long that would take. Adora sat up, shoulders back and her mind made up.

"I know I can. Anything for her." She said resolutely.

Casta stood up, inviting Adora to follow. They headed back into the med room, where everyone was settled down, chatting. Catra was sitting with the blanket pulled around her, listening to Scorpia chatting her. Adora stopped and watched. She noticed Catra's behavior.

Catra was sitting back against the head board of the bed. Her shoulders were bunched up. She was sitting curled up, trying to appear smaller. Even her face was tight and uncomfortable, even though she was smiling. She was overwhelmed. 

Adora walked over to the group. Catra looked her way, immediately loosening up. Adora sat in the chair next to Catra's bed. 

"Hey." She whispered to Catra. 

The flick of an ear indicated that she'd heard her. Catra turned to her. Her smile was more genuine, her posture relaxed now that Adora was there.

"Hey, Adora." Catra greeted shyly.

That got Adora right in the heart. Forcing down her pain, she rested her arms on the edge of the hospital bed. Catra looked back at her, like a friend she'd just met. Not the loving, warm gaze Adora loved so much. Adora returned a smile to her unknowing girlfriend. Determination fueled a fire in her.

Ok, Catra's brain. If you want to take her from me, you'll have to fight me first. I'm getting my Catra back. That's a promise.


	2. Getting used to a life forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is getting familiar with everything and everyone. Adora and Catra have an emotional chat about where they stand in their relationship.

Getting Catra reacclimatized was quite the interesting time. Adora, Glimmer and Bow gave Catra lectures and retold stories about their time in Brightmoon. 

They'd eventually moved Catra to a guest room in the castle. She was in awe by the lavish space, fancy furniture and such. Seeing her try the bed for a second time was pure gold. After falling in, Catra called for Adora to help get her out, the cushy mattress sinking under her weight.

Hanging out with the gang had been a necessity. Catra had to relearn what they were each like. They were the Best Friend Squad, after all. Glimmer and Bow were ecstatic to entertain Catra. Catra was enraptured, hanging off every word they said. It was really cute. From the way she'd react to certain memories being told to her, laughing or grimacing, to the way her tail would wiggle to show her pleasure in listening. 

The only difference was her more quietly withdrawn behavior. She wouldn't talk to anyone unless spoken to or approached for the next few days, opting to stay in her room, distracting herself with whatever she could get her hands on. Melog had given themselves the job of keeping an eye on Catra and keeping her company since everyone else had work to do. Adora hated to be apart from Catra, physically and mentally. She'd get her work done as quick as possible and then go see Catra.

Adora made sure to come and visit Catra every day. Today, when Adora knocked on the bedroom door, no response at first. She tried again, loudly.

"Come in!" Came the usual call from inside. 

Opening the door, Adora stepped inside. She spotted Catra sitting on her bed, a large sketchbook in her arms, drawing. Adora smiled. 

Catra had always loved art. Drawing was something she'd grown up doing when she had the time. Seeing Catra drawing, as if she'd always done it, gave Adora hope. 

Seems like some things never change. 

"Hey, Catra." She greeted, walking toward the bed.

Catra glanced up from her sketch. Her face brightened, a smile appearing.

"Hey, Adora." She responded with just as much energy.

Adora plopped onto the bed beside Catra. Her heart fluttered at the close proximity.

"What're you drawing?" Adora asked, jutting her chin out at the sketchbook. 

"Melog." Catra, pointing to a sleeping Melog at the foot of the bed.

"Ah."

Glancing at the page, she couldn't help the usual astonishment she felt when she saw Catra's work. 

"I really like that." She commented. "That's so good. Almost realistic."

Catra grinned, fiddling with the pencil in her hand. 

"Thanks. I was just bored and found this on the desk over there."

She motioned to desk in the corner of the room. Adora nodded in understanding.

"Yeah. You've always been drawing. It started when we were kids." She recalled fondly.

Catra's interest was peaked. She put down the sketchbook and pencil, turning her attention to the blonde.

"We knew each other back then?" She questioned.

Adora snorted.

"Grew up together. I actually found you in a box in the middle of nowhere. Took you in and we grew up in what was called The Horde."

"What's that?" Catra asked, confused.

Adora tensed up. She sighed, shifting positions.

"It was a place where kids who were kidnapped, were raised as soldiers for whats called The Horde. The guy in charge here on Etheria was Hordak."

Catra looked shocked by that part. She'd met Hordak the other day. The man didn't say much, just inquiring Catra that he wished her a swift recovery and to come to him if she had any questions. 

"Really?" Catra mumbled, her eyes downcast in thought. "So, was the Horde bad or something?"

Adora sighed again.

"Oh yeah. They were. Destroyed cities and kingdoms, burned things down, imprisoned leaders, killed people. Us being still in training, we were never told of what was really going on. Hordak lied to us, telling us that we were the good guys, fighting for liberation."

Catra's brows pinched.

"Then, how did we get here? On the good side? Did we switch sides or was a truce called?"

Adora felt like clawing her skin off. She hated this conversation. She never thought she'd have to tell it again.

"That's a long story." She admitted. "Not a good one. To keep it short, I became She-ra, I left the Horde because I found out what the Horde was really like. I just couldn't stay... but..."

Catra leaned in closer, pressing her on.

"But?"

Adora bit her lip. 

"But I left you behind."

Catra stared at her. Conflicting emotions flashed in her eyes. She swallowed.

"Oh..."

Adora felt all those guilt come back all at once.

"I'm so sorry, Cat. I should've tried harder to get you guys to come with me. I only told you to come with me once, in the middle of a Horde raid. It wasn't my best moment. I never tried again after you said no that time. I never thought to try to ask our friends. Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio. We were all in a squad together growing up. We were like family and I left you all."

Adora felt tears in her eyes. She'd talked it all out with Perfuma and Catra before. She hadn't realized until then that she'd hurt more than just Catra by leaving. It was very eye-opening for Adora. Catra wasn't the only person who did hurtful things during the war. 

A gentle, warm hand on her knee stopped her spiraling. Adora looked up to see Catra looking at her with a concerned look.

"Hey, it's in the past, right?" Catra asked.

Adora sniffled, wiping her nose with her jacket sleeve. She nodded.

"Yeah. It happened when we were like sixteen. I still feel really bad about it. I didn't know how hurt you were by me leaving until it was too late. You'd already become to angry and spiteful, doing all you could to get back at me during the war. You stayed with the Horde, because you told me that it was your only safety net. You didn't feel safe leaving it, even if you could leave. Plus, I'd betrayed you when we promised each other as kids that we'd always be together. I broke that promise, and well..."

Catra sat there, taking it in.

"We were enemies?" She asked, her ears flattening. "I stayed there? Am I evil?"

Adora's eyes widened.

"Nonono! You're not evil!" She assured Catra.

The Magicat looked conflicted.

"But the Horde was evil and I knew it was. I'm just as bad as a killer." She rambled frantically.

"No, Catra." 

Adora took her by the hands, keeping Catra's eyes on hers. She didn't want Catra's crippling guilt to resurface at that moment. It was a struggle to get Catra to understand that she was just as much a victim in that hellhole. 

"You are good." Adora stressed. "Yes, you did some bad things, but so have I. You're not the only one who committed war crimes. All of us did things that are considered evil. War itself is evil. You did what you did in order to survive. You told me so yourself. You said that you did those things because you were in so much pain and so angry at the world, that you didn't care who you hurt. Hurting was all you knew. You didn't know kindness or love or how to be nice. That wasn't taught in the Horde. You've already done so much in order to change yourself and your mindset. You've shown everyone since the end of the war that you're a good person. You saved millions of lives, Catra. You rescued Glimmer once when the two of you were captured by... someone who threatened to destroy the planet. You sacrificed yourself and got Glimmer back to Bow and I."

Adora was clutching Catra's shaking hands in hers, staring into Catra's terrified eyes.

"You saved her and then when I came to save you, you promised to change. You did. You and I saved the universe. You saved my life that day, too."

"How?"

Adora froze. She had to tell her. Everything. She couldn't hide it forever. Catra deserved to know. Adora lowered their hands, not able to look Catra in the eyes.

"Um.... so, Uh, you and I... we... kissed."

After a moment of silence, Adora looked up. Catra was wide-eyed, silent. 

"We kissed, and confessed to each other that we love each other. I was on the verge of death because of this virus that was affecting me... and... you told me that you loved me and that gave me the strength to wake up and tell you I love you too. We kissed and I guess the missing piece of my heart was filled, knowing that the person who means the world to me, loves me and that I love her. It awoken She-ra again and I was able to save the universe. We've been dating ever since. You're my girlfriend."

Catra looked like her mind was blown. She sat there, thinking, silently staring at nothing. Adora let her take her time. It was a lot and that was only the summary of what happened. It was a few minutes before Catra spoke again.

"We're dating?" She repeated. 

Adora nodded, gauging Catra's reaction.

"Yeah. It's why I've been hanging around you so much. When you said you didn't remember me, that meant you didn't remember us. What we've been through, our life together."

Catra blinked, huffing in disbelief. Then she smiled.

"Wow, dude. I did a good job. I must've gotten lucky, getting a girlfriend as beautiful and cool as you." She said.

Adora hadn't expected her to say that. Catra glanced away before looking back at Adora with a concerned look.

"How could you love a villain?" She asked, her voice timid. "I've hurt you. How could you forgive that, let alone love me?"

Adora chuckled. She shook her head and shrugged.

"I guess it's because I know that we were in a toxic environment and we're here, now. You've become a better person and I love who you are. I always have loved you. I've always accepted you for you and I recognize that back then, the Horde raised us with a toxic mindset and that all our struggles are rooted in our upbringing. You were stuck in that place, felt like you didn't deserve any better. You can't grow and change in a place like that. Looking back, I can see how it all affected you."

"All what?" Catra asked.

Adora bit her lip. That was an even heavier topic. One that she didn't even know the extent of. Only Catra knew the horrors she'd endured there. However, until she got her memories back, there wasn't much Adora felt comfortable talking about.

"All the pain you went through in the Horde. You don't really talk about it much. Only in therapy. Perfuma is a licensed therapist."

Adora rubbed her thumb over the back of Catra's hand. She sat there, letting Catra process it all. The Magicat seemed lost in thought. Adora patiently waited. The silence wasn't really comfortable, but it wasn't tense. Just... weird. Adora chewed on her bottom lip, suddenly anxious.

"So, do you want to keep dating?" Catra asked.

Adora's head lifted a quickly. Did she hear that right? Catra was looking at her, her face neutral. 

"Say that again?" Adora requested.

"Do you want to keep dating?" Catra repeated. "I mean, I can relearn everything. I can tell you really love me, and I can guess that me losing my memory is hard on you."

Adora slowly nodded in agreement.

"Well, it is hard, to be honest. It's hard to know that you don't remember me or any memories we shared.... but, I think we should just take it slow. You might get your memories back eventually. Plus, getting memories back might be a lot to handle and who knows which memories you'll get back first. It might change your opinion of everything going through it all over again."

It felt like a breakup. Right now, they weren't mutually in love. It was one sided at the moment. It hurt like hell, but Adora pushed it down. It wouldn't last forever. She had to believe that. 

"I know you can't be in love with someone you don't remember, so I'm not upset with you for that. What if we just rebuild our friendship for now?"

Catra nodded.

"Ok. I mean, I do have some feelings towards you." She said, smiling bashfully.

Adora's eyes widened. Catra breathed out a laugh at her shock. 

"I can't really explain it." She shrugged. "When I woke up in the med room and saw you, I had this feeling in my chest. All I knew was that I somehow knew you. I just couldn't figure out how. Seeing you, I felt my heart racing and I feel safe around you. It's like I've always known you, but I just can't remember it. Which, is exactly the situation."

Adora laughed weakly. How ironic.

"So, we take it slow?" She asked, just to make sure she understood.

Catra nodded. "Yeah. We can still call each other girlfriends, I guess. We technically still are. It'll take some time for me to get into a routine and comfortable of doing anything romantic, but i wouldn't mind dating you. I'll try not to make it weird."

Adora shook her head gently, smiling.

"You won't. I'm weirder."

Catra laughed, shoving her lightly. Adora joined in. For the first time in days, she felt happy. 

They'd be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra has her first session with Micah and Castaspella. The memories she recovers leave her traumatized. 
> 
> Tw: description of physical/mental/verbal abuse

Catra was nervous. Today was her first session with Castaspella and Micah to try and retrieve her memories. She should be excited, not pacing around her bedroom. Catra had no idea what to expect. Would it hurt? Would there be side effects to having her brain messed with? Most of all, would she like what she remembered?

Adora had told her a summary of her past, but she knew there were things that only Catra knew about. Things no one but her could know ever happened. Adora seemed to have sugarcoated the bad parts of her past. Their past. Maybe she didn't want to freak Catra out or make her feel bad about something she couldn't remember. However, Catra would remember at some point. 

Her not knowing made her feel a small sense of fear. Fear of the unknown. 

A knock at her door made her stop pacing.

"Come in." She called, before continuing to pace. She heard the door open. 

Turning around, she saw Adora standing there, smiling at her.

"Hey." Adora greeted. "I just wanted to let you know that Casta and Micah are ready for you."

Catra felt her heart drop to her stomach. Already? 

Catra gave an anxious sigh, her hands fiddling with one another.

"Ok. Lead the way." She told Adora.

Adora frowned at her demeanor. 

"What's wrong?" She asked, tilting her head to the side slightly.

Catra crossed her arms, toeing the floor.

"I'm just nervous or whatever." She said. "I don't know what's gonna happen. Being alone with them and possibly remembering some fucked up stuff, doesn't exactly make me feel at ease. It's whatever, I guess. Let's go and get this over with."

Adora watched her walk out of the room, following her after a moment. Adora then took the lead. As they walked, she occasionally looked over her shoulder at Catra. Adora felt the need to comfort her. Slowing her pace, Adora walked beside the magicat. Catra noticed this and arched a brow.

"If you want, I can stay with you in the room. You're right that you might end up remembering some really horrible stuff and I want to be there for you if you need it." 

Catra felt her stomach flutter at the suggestion. She had quickly learned in the time she and Adora hung out, relearning each other and their relationship, that Adora was a dork, but a caring dork. She was fun, goofy, head-strong and just a good person. Adora was always wanting to offer support and protect her loved ones. Catra was lucky to have her as a girlfriend. She knew that much already.

Their relationship was currently consisted of spending time together, talking about anything and everything, sitting next to each other during meals, playful teasing and just small touches here and there. Nothing major yet. Catra wasn't sure she was ready for that, since she couldn't even remember what they'd been like doing such physical activities. It made her blush at the idea of her being intimate with the incredibly beautiful young woman. 

Adora had stuck to her word and they took slow. She'd let Catra set the pace of their relationship, for which Catra was grateful for. 

So, as the two walked down the hall, Catra couldn't help but glance down at Adora's hand that stayed at her side. Catra bit her lip, wondering if she should act on her desire to hold Adora's hand. 

They were dating after all. 

Before she could think about it any further, Adora stopped walking. Catra's head snapped up. She saw that they'd reached their destination. Adora opened the door, walking in, Catra following her. Castaspella and Micah were in the room, seeming to have been talking to each other. The two older adults turned to Adora and Catra upon hearing the door open.

"Ah, you're here." Casta greeted. "You ready, Catra?" 

Catra looked around the prepared room. There was a small cot type of bed in the center of the room. There were books and such on the desk, some of which were still open. The curtains had been drawn, the lamps and such lighting up the brightly colored room. 

"Sure." She finally responded, crossing her arms nervously. "So, when we get started?" 

"Right now." Micah responded. "Lie down on the bed."

Catra glanced at Adora before walking over to the bed. Sitting down, she tested it. It was pretty soft. Kind of like her own mattress. After a minute, she took a deep, calming breath and laid down on her back, her head resting on the pillow, hands at her side. 

Casta and Micah stood on either side of the bed.

"Ok. What we're going to do is cast a spell that will link us to your mind. We should be to pull any hidden memories and bring them to the front of your mind. You'll know it when you start to remember something. If it gets too much for you, tell us and we'll stop. Alright?"

Catra found her palms sweating a little. She rubbed them against her shirt, nodding.

"Will it hurt?" She questioned. 

"No." Micah answered. "It won't hurt. The memories on the other hand..."

His face fell. Catra feared what her memories held, but as long as it wasn't dangerous to her brain, she'd face it head on. She had to remember. She needed to remember. 

"Alright. I'm ready when you are." Catra said.

Casta and Micah took a readying stance, closing their eyes.

"Close your eyes and think."

Catra shut her eyes. 

"Think hard. Any little detail you might remember. The spell is being casted."

Catra heard a rush of what sounded like wind. Her body tingled for a few seconds before it went away. In her mind, she could see blurred images. She focused on them, trying to make sense of them. 

A sudden sense of dread washed over her. Catra felt her body trembling intensely. She clenched her fists tightly.

What was she so scared of? 

Flashes of faces sprouted into her mind. Adora, Glimmer, Bow, Scorpia. 

"I-I see faces." She spoke up.

"Good. Who do you see? Do you recognize them?" Micah asked gently.

Catra nodded.

"Yeah. Adora. Our friends. The princesses."

Then faces she didn't recognize appeared. She saw instances of Adora and her with these people. They looked younger and were wearing what looked like uniforms. It was all very similar. They were laughing and goofing off. Arguing and sparring. Taunts and teasing thrown her way.

"I see more people. Um, I think we're younger. These other people don't live here. They're kinda mean."

"What do they look like?" Casta asked. 

Catra tried to pin the memories down, but they were going by too fast. This place, these people made didn't like her. Feelings of anger and loneliness and regret washed over her.

"I'm angry." She spoke.

"Why?"

"I don't like these people. They make me feel angry."

"What else?"

Catra swallowed thickly. She saw flashes of herself, crying. She's a child. Small and scared. She's alone in a dark room.

"I see me. I'm a kid. I'm crying in a dark room."

"What else can you see?" Micah asked. "Why are you crying?"

Thoughts poured into her. All jumbled up.

It hurts. 

Why does she hurt me? 

What did I do wrong? 

A high-pitched scream echoed in her mind. She saw her younger self, being pinned down to the ground, cracks of red light surrounding her little body. She's crying and begging whoever is there to let her go. 

Catra's breath hitched, her brows creasing.

"Someone's hurting me. I'm being held down by something. There's so much screaming."

Her muscles twitched and tightened. She couldn't move. The little girl was now her. Catra's heart rate sped up. 

"I can't move. I'm stuck."

Then, someone appeared, towering over her. Shadows in the shape of a woman. Her face hidden in a mask. 

Shadow Weaver, Catra suddenly remembered. She hated this woman and the woman hated her back. 

"Such a waste of breath to keep doing this. What does Adora see in such a disappointment?"

Catra felt fear gripping her. This person narrowed their eyes at her, scowling. Moments of her hitting Catra came up. So much pain and fear and anger.

"Let this be a lesson to you again. Next time, I'll kill you." Shadow Weaver threatened a teenage Catra, her sharp, pale fingers wrapped around Catra's neck and arm.

She felt worthless, used, scared, angry at everyone, alone. So alone. This woman. Shadow Weaver. Thinking of her, Catra's mind went to many flashes of moments. Blood, tears, darkness, fear were all associated with this shadowy woman.

Next thing she knew, Catra felt like her body was on fire. Her chest was tight in panic. She screamed, writhing as electricity shot through her like knives.

"Catra?! Stop!"

The images vanished. Catra's eyes shot open, as if waking up from a nightmare.. She felt hands touching her, sending her into a panic. She sat up quickly, pushing away the hands. She had to get away. Hide.

Catra zoomed over to the desk, the closest hiding spot. She hid underneath, curling up in a ball, her breathing erratic. The fear was still there. Catra couldn't stop the tears of panic and fear from racing down her cheeks. She sobbed, her brain disoriented and confused. 

"Hey. It's okay." A soothing voice cut through the panic. "Catra, it's safe. It's me, Adora. You're safe, kitten. I promise."

Catra lifted her head, blinking away the tears blurring her vision. She saw Adora kneeling a few feet from where Catra was currently hiding. Adora's body language was nonthreatening and comforting. Catra sniffled, a whimper coming out. She crawled out from the desk, into the waiting arms of Adora. Catra sobbed, clinging onto her girlfriend like a lifeline.

"It hurt. It hurt so much. All the time. She hated me and she said... she said I..."

A sob cut her off. Catra buried her face in Adora's neck. The remnants of the memories were stuck in her mind, unwilling to let go. 

Adora securely held Catra in her arms, doing her best to console her. She looked to the two mages, who looked just as concerned by the behavior.

"What did she see?" Adora demanded to know.

Micah and Casta looked at each other, hesitant. Micah looked back at Adora.

"She saw Shadow Weaver. Childhood memories. Only random moments and such. Her life in the Horde, to sum it up. Your old friends, you, etc."

Adora felt her stomach drop. The first session and Catra remembered her. The person who ruined them as children and scarred them for life. The person who tore them apart. 

Adora stood up, Catra in her arms. She looked at the former king and his sister.

"That's enough for today." Adora said, leaving no room for argument. "I'm taking Catra to our room."

The two mages only nodded in agreement. Adora carried Catra out of the room without another word. 

On the way to their bedroom, Adora passed by their friends in the hall. When they saw a crying Catra in Adora's arms, they knew the session had gone badly. Scorpia looked like she was holding herself from fussing over Catra. The gentle giant hated seeing Catra so upset just as much as Adora did. Glimmer and Bow gave Adora a questioning look. Adora mouthed to them they'd talk later. The group let the two women walk on by without a word, silently giving the pair supportive or sympathetic looks.

Adora walked into the bedroom. Catra had occasionally came here after the incident in the mine, only when Adora was there as well. Adora had assured her that it was her room, too, but Catra said she had felt super awkward about staying in a room with someone she couldn't really remember. Now, she had warmed up to it, having gotten used to being near Adora and sharing stuff with her. It was almost naturally easy to be so comfortable around Adora in such a short amount of time.

Adora walked over to the large bed. She sat down, already knowing what Catra needed. She rubbed Catra's back, pressing a comforting kiss to the feline's mane.

"Cat. C'mon, kitten. Let's get your face washed, changed into some comfortable clothes and then take a nap, ok? I'm gonna go get you a change of clothes."

Catra slowly pried herself off of Adora. Catra sniffled and nodded, her eyes and nose pink from crying. She crawled off the bed, heading to the bathroom to wash her face. Adora in the meantime, quickly changed into her sleep clothes, gathering Catra's from her drawers. 

When Catra came back out of the bathroom, she changed clothes. Adora noticed that Catra was pretty spaced out. Her gaze was glazed over, as if her mind wasn't in the present. 

Adora walked over to the feline woman. 

"Hey."

Catra jumped, cowering for a moment, before she realized who was talking to her. She relaxed a little, but still seemed on guard. 

"Sorry." She said, avoiding eye contact, her ears flat against her head.

Adora held out her hand. Catra took it. Adora led her over to the bed. The two climbed under the covers, turning out the lights. Adora had Catra lie on top of her, Catra's head on her chest. Adora had her arms wrapped around Catra's trembling body. She could feel the anxiety and fear radiating off of Catra.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

Catra shuddered, rubbing her arm.

"Just so many faces. I think I saw those people you mentioned. The Horde people. I saw us all arguing and then us hanging out, and then, I think we were training or whatever. We were sparring. We looked like we were kids."

Adora hummed.

"Yeah. Our squadron. We all grew up together." She explained. 

Catra was silent for a moment.

"Did I fight with the buff girl with the braids a lot?" She asked.

Adora snorted. Lonnie and Catra hated each other. Respected each other, but hated each other.

"Yeah. You and Lonnie had a complicated friendship. Just like siblings, according to our friends."

Silence again. Catra licked her dry lips. She picked at the bedsheets under her hand.

"I saw Shadow Weaver..." She then said. "In my memories. She was terrifying."

Adora didn't speak, already knowing this information. 

Catra sniffled.

"She was punishing me. Again. I messed up again."

Adora tightened her hold on Catra. She hated Shadow Weaver for what she did to Catra. Catra had still been suffering from occasional flashbacks and nightly nightmares. Now, Catra had to remember it all over again and it was heartbreaking to witness.

Catra burrowed her face into Adora's shirt.

"Why did she hate? What did I to deserve that? She beat me all the time and she said she wondered why you would put up with me."

"I don't 'put up with you', Catra." Adora said. "I love you. I want you in my life. That's it. Don't listen to her, Catra."

Catra shook her head, her eyes squeezed tightly.

"It's all I can think about. I just feel so scared and angry. She talked down to me like I'm a burden. It hurt. I feel like... this feeling deep down. She just makes hate myself. She makes me feel weak and small and useless. I know it doesn't make sense."

Adora gently ran her fingers over Catra's ear to calm her. A bit of tension in Catra's body left.

"I don't know why." Adora said. "She was never kind to anyone. She favored me my whole life. I still don't know why, but I know that she didn't really care about me. Just my power and status as She-ra. I guess she knew about my magic all along and wanted to use it. She isn't capable of caring for anyone but herself. I know that for sure. She uses anyone she can, and manipulates them to get what she wants, and throws them away when they don't have any use for her or if they call her out on her bullshit. You did. She didn't like that you were a rebel. She couldn't get you to listen to her like I did, so I guess she tore your self-worth to shreds and made you feel like nothing."

What Adora said resonated with Catra. She felt a sense of deja-vu. Like she knew all this already. Heard this before. It caused her heart so much pain. This woman who had raised them, was so willing to kill Catra for the slightest mistake because she felt as though she wasn't worthy of life. This feeling felt familiar. Too familiar. 

Catra's eyes watered. She cried, even harder than before. Adora lifted her up, guiding them both under the covers. Adora reached over, her other arm holding Catra, and turned out the light. 

She then put her full attention on Catra. She held the girl as she sobbed all the emotional pain she held inside. It was heartbreaking, but at least Catra could let it out this time, instead of letting it fester and brew like she had her whole life. Adora whispered sweet nothings into Catra's ear, slowly rubbing her back. 

Catra cried herself to sleep. 

Adora lied there for a while, just listening to Catra breathe. 

Perhaps she should have a talk with the others. They'd helped Catra through this after the war was just over. They could help Catra again. 

Adora had no idea what to do, but she had to get Catra more support to help her through this. Catra had to know she wasn't alone in this. Adora would do all she could to make it happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the first memory session causes a change of behavior in Catra. Adora confronts her about it.

The following days took a bit of a turn. Adora was worried about Catra. Catra's behavior became fearful, jumpy, and unsure of herself. She'd stay in her room all day, only coming out for meals. During those mealtimes, she'd keep her eyes on her plate, only speaking when spoken to. She nearly jumped out of her skin whenever she was touched. 

It reminded Adora of their childhood. All she could do was try to talk to Catra and get her to confide in someone. Catra had mumbled some form of agreeing response, but Adora knew she wouldn't carry out that task. The other had noticed Catra's behavior as well. Glimmer and Bow constantly asked Adora about her when, once again, Catra was shut up in her room. Adora noticed that the group was quieter, more serious. 

Without Catra there, bringing along her smart remarks and mischievous behavior, life in the castle became more of a bore. However, no one wanted to bring it up. Catra wasn't around for long intervals of time, and when she was around the others, she was withdrawn and nervous. They didn't want to pressure her into talking to anyone. 

Scorpia had nearly burst into tears when one of her famous hugs sent Catra into a panic, fleeing the room once she was released. Scorpia had felt horrible, but confused. She had always been used to Catra denying her hugs in the past, however she'd never reacted like that. Truly terrified of her. 

Adora, who had seen the whole thing, decided that this had to stop. She was getting to the bottom of this. 

She ran after Catra, calling her name. Adora was barely able to keep up. Catra had always been faster. The adrenaline added to that. Adora followed her frightened girlfriend to Catra's current bedroom. The door was slammed in Adora's face. Adora tried the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge.

Adora knocked on the door.

"Catra? Are you ok?" She asked.

"Go away!" Catra shouted from inside the room. 

Adora sighed. She hated when Catra used to emotionally shut her out. Catra wasn't never someone who talked about their feelings, deeming her emotions unimportant. Adora couldn't really blame her for that. She was worse about talking about her feelings. The only person who she'd felt completely comfortable doing so... was Catra. They'd promised each other to work on their issues and learn to communicate better. It was difficult. It definitely took practice, but they'd gotten better. 

However, Catra didn't remember that part of their relationship. So, now they were back to square one, but Adora still had her experiences, and she wouldn't give up so easily.

"Catra, we're worried about you." She said, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. "You've been really distant lately. Also, I'm sure that Scorpia hadn't meant to hug so hard. Are you ok? She didn't hurt you, did she?"

Adora leaned her ear against the wood. She heard soft footsteps walking around the room. Catra was upset and definitely pacing.

"Please, babe. If we did anything to make you so scared of us, we'll fix it. Please don't shut us out. Don't shut me out. I just want to help."

Adora waited for a reply. It went silent on the other side. Adora was about to knock again, when she heard the lock of the door click. Adora jumped back in surprise as the door slowly cracked open. Catra stood there, her face hidden by the door, her body leaning in the door. 

"Come in." She mumbled.

Adora's brows pinched. She entered the room. Catra's room was messy. Clothes and shredded pillow cases everyone. There was broken glass near the body mirror standing in the corner of the room. Adora surveyed the scene before her. So this is what Catra has been up to in here. She did hear Catra close and lock the door. Catra turned to see Adora looking at the mess. 

Her ears flattened.

"I had a bit of a hard time finding an outlet." Catra spoke up.

Adora turned to look at her. Catra was standing at a distance, leaning against the wall, her trembling arms crossed, guilt on her tear-streaked face. She couldn't look Adora in the eyes. Adora licked her dry lips, thinking of what to say. However, Catra beat her to it.

"I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass." Catra said. "I didn't mean to cause a scene."

Adora looked at the bed that was close to her. She walked over to it. Adora noticed that here were claw marks, ripping through the mattress. She decided to not comment. Sitting down on the edge, she hugged a knee to her chest. 

"What's going on, Cat?" She asked. "Ever since your first memory retrieval session, you've been so scared and avoidant. Did we do something wrong?"

Catra gave her a weird look.

"No. Why would you think that? You've been perfect this whole time. The best girlfriend ever, in my opinion."

That didn't explain anything. 

"Then what happened?" She asked.

Catra turned her back to Adora, her head low.

"I’m the one who did something wrong. During the war."

Adora gasped, peeking up. Catra got her memory back?

"You remember the war?" She questioned.

Catra's tail lashed.

"Only a bit." She clarified. "I've been having these nightmares. Of the Horde. Of me."

Nightmares. That wasn't a shocker. They both suffered from nightmares. Adora, about Catra dying on Prime's ship and the memories of losing She-ra, and Catra, about all her war crimes while in the Horde, being chipped, and of course her childhood abuse by Shadow Weaver. After the war, they'd both started going to therapy. Catra had begun to come to terms with her past. 

"By you, do you mean...?"

Catra nodded.

"Evil, power-hungry me." She hissed, though her venom wasn't towards Adora. 

Adora knew who it was towards. 

She stood up quickly.

"You're not evil or power-hungry." She argued. "I know that wasn't what you were after."

Catra scoffed. "Of course it was. I remember the attack on Salineas. I burned it down and got people killed. I destroyed lives. Now I know why you didn't tell me. You didn't want to admit how horrible I am. A monster."

Catra brought her hands up to her face. Adora could see Catra's snall body start to tremble. She heard a quiet sniffle. Adora started to walk towards her.

"Catra..."

"No!" Catra curled in on herself. "Don't lie to me. I'm a monster and everyone knows that. Shadow Weaver was right."

That got Adora riled up. This wasn't going to keep going. Her hands bunched into fists.

"She was not!" Adora snapped, startling Catra. 

Catra turned around, red-rimmed eyes widening. Adora looked angry.

"She was wrong about everything." Adora said. "Yes, you did terrible things. I know that, but you did good too. You saved millions of lives. Don't blame yourself like this. You became that person because of pain and anger. Pain a lot of people caused you. Pain that I caused..."

Adora faltered for a moment. She hated to think about it. She had done the right thing to leave the Horde, but she'd done the wrong thing to not bring Catra with her. She didn't tell Catra how much she meant to her. She left her and broke a promise. That was her choice and it had broken Catra. That much was clear while the feline was under Prime's control. 

Adora had broken her heart and it was moments like this that proved just how much it had hurt Catra. A hurt Catra didn't deserve, no matter how much bad she'd done in the aftermath. 

They all had regrets during the war, but Adora's regret came to her during moments of absolute anguish for her lover. Adora would do anything to take the pain away. Anything at all. Guilt weighed heavily on Catra, consuming her already battered and scarred heart and weighed it down. Adora knew it would only take time and lots of therapy for them all to get past the horrors of the war, but right now, all Adora knew was that Catra was in pain and needed her.

Adora sighed.

"I'm sorry I left you. I regret that every day of my life. If I had taken you with me, maybe the war would've gone differently. However, I don't regret how it all ended."

Catra turned her head, twitching an ear.

"How did it end?" She asked, meekly.

Adora smiled. 

"It ended with you back in my life and in my arms, telling you that I love you. Us saving Etheria. Together. You weren't ready to leave the Horde when I did. Perfuma said that you felt too attached to that place. You felt safe there. It was familiar. On the other hand, I had left you for people I didn't know. We were taught that princesses were evil, yet I left you in the Horde to join them. I can see how bad that sounds now. You didn't trust me anymore. I broke that trust the moment I walked away. So, I am partially to blame on why you became the way you did. Shadow Weaver and Hordak made you think that I didn't care about you and that I was better than you. They told you you'd never do anything great in your life. So, when I left, you saw a chance to prove yourself to the people who always made you feel not good enough. It’s understandable, but only to people who've been abused or overlooked like you were. You didn't know how to be anything else but power-hungry. You told me. Power meant safety. No one can hurt you if you're the strongest."

"I still killed people." Catra argued weakly. "That's no excuse. Bad childhood? So what?"

Adora sighed. She walked closer to Catra.

"It's not an excuse. It's an explanation as to how you got there. You went through a lot and you know it more than anyone. You've been through more in twenty years than some people go through in a lifetime. You deserve to be treated with as much compassion and understanding as any of us."

Adora was now standing right behind Catra. 

"Please look at me." Adora said. 

Catra hesitated before turning around. Her head stayed down, arms hugging herself. 

"Can I touch you?" Adora asked. 

Catra nodded, barely noticeable. Adora reached out and cupped Catra's cheek. Catra flinched. Adora didn't move, letting Catra do whatever she needed. Catra looked at the hand, then slowly pressing her cheek against it. She looked less afraid this time. Trusting. 

Adora cupped Catra's cheek, lifting her head up so they were looking at each other.

"I don't care what you've done in the past. It was part of a war. People die in war. That's the truth. Mistakes are made. It's over now, so now we move forward and do better. You did what you had to in order to survive. I understand that. Our friends understand that. The rest of Etheria probably knows it. You've been trying your best to be better and make up for your past and you've done an amazing job so far. You being so upset over it proves you care. You're not a monster. You care and you're trying. That's all that matters. Ok?"

Catra nodded.

"Do... Do people hate me?" She asked.

Adora sighed silently.

"Maybe. Some probably do." She answered truthfully. 

Catra lowered her head in shame, but Adora forced it back up. Adora was shaking her head.

"Uh-Uh. They don't know you or what you've been through. Not much you can do there. If they want to hate you, that shouldn't stop you from living your best life and keep trying to make up everything. All the people who you love, their opinion should be the ones that matter most. No use in trying to get everyone to like you. It's exhausting. Trust me."

Both women laughed, though Catra's was watery. Adora gently pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around Catra's waist. Catra sniffled, resting her hands Adora's chest. Her eyes flicked from her hands to Adora's face. 

"Thanks." She said. "And I'm sorry. For everything."

Adora smiled. This scene, holding Catra in her arms, warmed her heart.

"I know. Me too."

Catra sighed.

"I guess those nightmares just got to me. I haven't been sleeping much. I've been really messed up in the head. I keep thinking of being strapped down and tortured. Dying. Alone."

Adora rubbed her thumb over Catra's partially exposed midriff. She wished more than anything to take this burden from Catra. Shoulder some of that pain. Make Catra's heart lighter. The only thing she could do was hug her, her arms acting like a shield from any bad that might come for Catra. She pressed a soft kiss to the magicat's head. 

"I love you." She said, not even thinking about it.

Catra gently pulled back a little and looked up at Adora with a smile. Only then did Adora realize what she'd said. Catra didn't seem bothered. 

"I know. I really like you too. Not sure I love you, but-"

Adora stopped her, a finger gently pressed against Catra's lips. 

"I understand."

As long as Catra knew that she was loved, the rest didn't matter at that moment. Adora was more than content with that. 

A thought suddenly came to Adora. 

"How would you feel about going back to therapy?"

Catra raised a curious brow, looking up at Adora.

"Therapy?" 

Adora nodded. 

"Perfuma. I know we've talked about it before, but I think it'll really benefit you. I'll even come with you if you want. Your choice. You used to do once-a-week sessions with Perfuma in the gardens or in Plumeria, her kingdom."

Catra was quiet, thinking it over. 

"Ok." She answered. 

Adora didn't expect that. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Ok?"

Catra nodded, shrugging.

"If I went to her for therapy before and did good, I can try it again. She won't mind?" 

Adora shook her head.

"Of course not. I'll ask her tomorrow about it. I'm sure she'll be alright to have you do therapy with her again. She helped you with your flashbacks and controlling your emotions. Helped me with my hero complex and my tendency to be self-sacrificial. Also, she's a good listener if you just want to vent."

Catra thought it over. Didn't sound bad at all. She'd give it a shot.

"Alright. I'd appreciate all the help I can get." She admitted. 

Adora would make sure of it. Catra would get all the help and support she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was a good chapter. It felt very filler episode-y to me. I don’t know. Let me know your thoughts and comments on this chapter :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra goes to talk with Perfuma, Scorpia, Netossa, and Spinnerella. They have their first therapy session and Catra learns something about her past self that will help her going forward in her journey of recovery.

Catra wasn't sure of what to think about the others. Her friends. Adora said they were all really nice and understanding. Loud and very physical when it came to showing affection, but Adora said they mean well.

According to her girlfriend.... huh, weird to say that... anyway! According to her, Catra was just as close to the other princesses and such as Adora was. They played a huge part of helping Catra through her trauma and stuff once the war had ended about a year ago. That reassured Catra. If they'd helped her get through it once, maybe they could help her now. It was strange, walking up to the princesses like this, out of nowhere.

The princesses named Perfuma, Netossa, Spinnerella, and Scorpia were apparently closer to Catra than the others in the Alliance. After Catra has woken up in the medic room, they had been as helpful as possible, asking her how she was, and if she needed to talk to someone about memories or something, to find one of them. They seemed eager to see her. Catra had spent most of her time with Adora after the accident.

Guess, this could be used to make up for lost time.

Catra found the princesses outside, chilling out in the meadow by the castle. With Melog by her side, she gathered the courage to go up to the two couples.

The first to notice her was Scorpia. Scorpia sat up, her face lighting up.

"Hey, Wildcat!" She excitedly greeted, getting the others' attention.

Catra smiled shyly once the attention was on her. She felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. It made her want to walk away and forget about this, but she knew she had to do this. So, she stayed in her spot, trying to keep her nerves from getting the best of her. She gave an awkward wave of her hand.

"Hey. Mind if I join you?"

"Of course we don't mind." Perfuma replied, motioning to a spot beside herself. "Please. Sit."

Catra anxiously took a seat on the grass. She internally cursed when she noticed Melog pacing around, going in and out of visibility. She looked at Perfuma who, no doubt, noticed the same thing. Perfuma simply smiled warmly at Catra.

"So, how have you been lately? Any progress on regaining your memories?" Perfuma asked, her voice gentle and not pushing Catra for answers.

Catra felt herself tense up. Memories.

"Um... that's actually what I came here to talk to you guys about." She admitted, grimacing.

Just the mention of memories were enough to trigger them. They weren't full blown flashbacks this time, but Catra couldn't help but feel suddenly uncomfortable. She rubbed her face, as if it would rub away the mess of thoughts going on inside her mind.

"I'm um...... I..."

Catra's train of thought went off track. She couldn't seem to get out a complete sentence. The only thoughts she could think of were of her. Of that place. Pain, fear, screaming.

Catra looked up at a now concerned look Perfuma. She'd forgotten what they were even talking about. The fog in her brain was just so sudden. It made no sense.

Catra blinked, shaking her head.

"Sorry, um...."

"Are you alright?" Scorpia asked.

Catra's gaze moved to the bigger woman. Then they moved to Netossa and Spinnerella. The married couple were also looking at her. Why?

"What?" She asked. "Oh, right. I, um.... came to talk about the... memories. Adora said something that maybe-"

Catra a sudden terrifying memory came up. It made Catra bristle.

"No!" She shouted in reflex, her body twitching.

It was all suddenly clear. She could think better. Raising her gaze, she saw the four princesses looking at her with wide eyes, startled by her outburst. Catra sheepishly scratched the back of her neck.

"Sorry about that." She said.

"Does that happen a lot?" Perfuma suddenly asked, curiosity in her eyes.

Catra swallowed, nodding. "Um... yeah. Ever since I got some of my memories of the Horde back, it's been..."

Catra grimaced.

"Hard to handle it."

Perfuma'a face fell.

"You remembered the Horde?"

Apparently everyone here knew how bad the Horde was. Especially those who had grown up in it, like she and Adora. Catra's eyes looked to Scorpia, who was supposedly her best friend outside of the Best Friend Squad. Scorpia and her had first met after Adora had left the Horde.

Scorpia was looking at her, worried. Catra bit her lip.

“Yeah. I remembered Shadow Weaver. How she'd beat me and would use her magic on me."

Catra's tail lashed anxiously. Catra plucked at the blades of grass, needing something to keep her hands from shaking.

"I remembered how she'd call me horrible names. She said I was inherently worthless, evil, useless, a burden and that I should've been killed as soon as she first saw me. Said that no one could ever love me because I wasn't worthy of love or protection. I remember her always being so disgusted with me and nothing I did was ever good enough for her. No one liked me. They all saw me as a stupid pet. Just some useless stray they tolerated."

Catra scoffed, shaking her head. She slowly picked apart the blade of grass in her slender fingers. She trailed off, as the fog started to creep back in.

"Adora said something about... you guys helping me before. I don't know. Um... sorry, I just..."

Catra rubbed her forehead, blinking rapidly.

"Catra?"

Catra lifted her head. She looked at Perfuma, who had been the one who said something. The flower princess was talking to her, but every time she did, Catra's brain seemed to erase it from her memory a moment later. It was like she was hard of hearing, unable to understand what was being said to her, but could hear the voice. She asked Perfuma to repeat herself, but no luck. She couldn't understand what was going on.

Catra could see the others getting more concerned about her. They looked at one another, then at her again. Catra gave up after the fourth time of Perfuma repeating herself.

"I don't understand you. Are you even speaking English?"</p

"Yeah." Perfuma said, nodding her head. "It's clear you're not ok."

Catra sighed in relief. She heard her that time.

"Ok. Now I can understand you." She told her.

Perfuma nodded slowly, thinking.

"I can see why Adora recommended you come talk to us." She noted. "Would you like to try some guided meditation? It could help get rid of some of the tension you're feeling. After that, let's see if you feel better. Then you can try to tell us what's going on. Ok?"

It took a moment for the words to sink in. Meditate. Right. Catra slowly nodded. She crossed her legs, resting her hands on her knees. Perfuma smiled, looking surprised at Catra.

"You remembered!" She beamed. "The position we always do when doing meditation. I didn't even have to tell you."

Catra paused. She looked down at her crossed legs. It did feel familiar. Like she’d done it before.

"I mean, as soon as I heard the word 'meditation', it just came to mind to sit like this. I don't even know what meditation is, to be honest, but I know that word from somewhere."

"Muscle memory!" Spinny spoke up. 

Catra looked at her. She tilted her head for a moment. She stared at the older woman, hesitant.

"Spinny..." she said out loud, trying the sudden name on her tongue before looking at the pink and purple clad princess. "Is that you?"

Spinnerella looked shocked for a second. She looked at an equally shocked Netossa.

"You remember my nickname for her?" Netossa asked Catra. "How?"

Catra shrugged, looking at older woman. "Not sure. I just saw her and it just popped into my head. I honestly had no idea what it meant until I just said it."

"Oh, this is so awesome, Wildcat!" Scorpia gushed. "You're remembering us! I'm so happy for you!"

Perfuma placed a calming hand on Scorpia's shoulder, placating her. Perfuma smiled at Catra once more, sitting down in front of her, facing Catra.

"We're glad you've uncovered more pleasant memories, but we all know that you're here because of the more... painful memories that you've uncovered, is that right?"

Catra shrunk into herself a little. She nodded, anxiety twisting her stomach.

Perfuma nodded.

"Ok. Well, like I said," she looked to the others, a suggestion in her voice. "Let's do some calming exercises, and then you can try to explain what's been going on. Only, you're able to talk about it. Ok?"

Catra nodded.

Perfuma led a mediation session. Catra could feel some of the anxiety leave her body. Melog eventually settled down, laying next to her. Their tail twitched, but that was the most that happened.

"Now, you can open your eyes." Perfuma instructed, ending the session.

Catra opened her eyes. Perfuma looked at her with a soft smile.

"How do you feel?"

Catra smiled back as she evaluated herself. She felt more aware of her surroundings. No brain fog.

"I feel much better. More in control of my mind."

Perfuma seemed relieved by her answer. She gave a satisfied nod.

"Good. Do you think you can talk about what exactly you've been struggling with? You don't remember, but you used to do these sessions with me not too long ago. I'm guessing your trauma is resurfacing all over again. Nightmares, feelings of fear, worthlessness, your inferiority complex, anger, anxiety."

Catra nodded in agreement. That sounded exactly how she felt.

"Adora said that you could help me deal with it. She said you helped me get through it before. Kind of like an extent to my support system."

Perfuma gave a nod in the affirmative.

"That's good she recommended you come talk to us again. Spending time with loved ones is a great source of comfort and helps increase your mental health. Would you be interested in continuing seeing me once a week?"

Catra nodded. She fiddled with her hands.

"If it's not too much trouble for you."

Perfuma shook her head.

"Of course not. I'd be more than happy to give any support I had give."

"Ooh! Me too!" Scorpia piped up.

Catra looked at Scorpia. She felt a burst of joy when she saw the scorpioni princess. Acting on her feeling, Catra crawled over to Scorpia, who watched with confusion. Catra practically cuddled Scorpia, hugging her.

"I like you already, Scorpia." She declared happily.

Catra was quickly wrapped in a hug. Scorpia basically squealed with joy. Catra guessed her actions were much appreciated. She felt secure and safe in the arms of her best friend. No wonder Catra liked her. Scorpia was a giant love bug.

"You give great hugs." Catra commented.

Catra’s body was vibrating from the intense purr she was letting out. She was surprised when Scorpia gasped suddenly. Catra looked up at her to see what was wrong.

Scorpia gaped at her, surprised.

“You’re purring!” She squealed. “You hardly ever purr unless you’re too tired to care or with Adora. I love it when your purr!”

Scorpia doubled her efforts, squishing Catra closer. Catra almost regretted saying anything. Almost. If it made her friends this happy, it couldn’t be a bad thing. Guess she’d just have to purr openly more often.

Scorpia let her go eventually. Catra smiled at her, cracking her now sore back. Scorpia was such a hugger.

"I forgot how great your hugs were." She commented, without really thinking about it.

Scorpia looked like she was tearing up.

"You remember my hugs? Oh Wildcat!!"

Catra blinked at her. Huh. Apparently she did. Seeing Scorpia so happy for her did things to Catra.

Maybe this was a good idea after all.

Catra rubbed her arm, smiling shyly.

"I guess. Not really sure. Sometimes, things just pop up in my head when I look at something or someone I know, but don't really remember. It’s pretty random, unless I try to seek them out. The memory recovery sessions with the king and his sister brought out some really heavy ones. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to remember my past, but...”

Catra shrugged. She hugged her knees to her chest, eyes on the grass.

“It’s just scary. No one else in this castle knows about the things that happened to me. Maybe I didn’t want anyone to know or had to keep them secret. It’s just really lonely being the only one to remember things from my perspective. Everyone else apparently thinks I’m just plain evil for being in the Horde. They don’t know what I went through. Hell, I’m only just starting to remember what I went through and... if I really did do all those horrible crimes Adora told me about... I don’t think I’m surprised.”

Catra sighed. She shook her head.

“But, anyway, um... I’m just probably feeling sorry for myself. If I was really as bad as they said I was, I’m just glad that I haven’t been executed yet. Shadow Weaver told me from a young age that it’s what I was destined for, so...”

A nuzzle to her cheek made Catra flinch hard. She saw it was only Melog, who’s coat color was now blue going to red and back. Catra pet Melog along their snout. Melog purred, attempting to soothe Catra’s hidden anxiety.

“Catra.” Spinnerella spoke up.

Catra lifted her head. She remembered what they were doing. She looked at Spinny, who was now crawling over to be closer to Catra. Spinny sat beside her, a concerned look on her face.

“You know that none of us hate or dislike you, right? Since the end of the war, you have talked to us all about the different aspects that caused you to do the things you did. We may not know everything, but I know enough to know that you aren’t inherently evil. I’m sure being told you are is partly what drove you to do keep doing those actions. Why do good when you truly believe that your destiny is to be the villain? It’s all anyone of authority told you growing up, so you believe it deep down, even if you don’t want to. However..”

Spinny gently smiled at the young magicat.

“We all know you. The real you. The Catra that helped us when we needed it most. We know you have a good heart and know that as a lost teenager, you were misguided and had terrible coping skills to deal with your abuse. We’ve all forgiven you by now, in case you didn’t know. We don’t see you as who you used to be. You’ve learned and have grown from that time in your life. So, we’re here to help you get through the mindset that was was instilled in you as a child in the Horde. We’ll be the family and friends you needed as a child. Ok?”

Catra stared into her eyes. She swallowed thickly, nodding.

“Thank you. Really. You don’t have to do this. It’s my problem.”

Spinny gave her a warning look, making Catra pause.

“Honey, don’t you dare turn us away after this session. We were your support system before you lost your memories. We’ll continue to do so. We haven’t stopped. You were still occasionally having trouble with certain issues that you came to each of us to talk about. You weren’t completely trauma free after only a year after the war ended. You’re just sort of backtracked in your progress. Plus, I think losing your memories might be a good thing.”

Catra tilted her head.

“Why? Other than the fact I can’t remember the actual trauma.”

Spinny smiled warmly.

“Now you can recover without all those negative coping skills you’ve learned as a child. Before, you were closed off and lashed out when pressed to open up about your feelings. The Horde taught you guys to keep your feelings inside and that they made you weak. That crying or being vulnerable made you weak.”

“She’s right.” Perfuma agreed.

Catra and Spinny looked at her.

“You were always covering up your emotions with an ‘I don’t care’ attitude to protect yourself from being taken advantage of. That’s part of what we worked on in our sessions. To be more open and communicate your thoughts and feelings honestly. Now that you don’t remember those negative coping mechanisms or the trauma that caused you to learn those skills, you’re more expressive and less jaded. Easier to talk to because now you’re not so angry all the time. You’re the Catra without the life-long trauma and that will help you heal faster. Do you understand?”

That made sense. She doesn’t remember being the angry, violent version of herself. She was only starting to remember the events that had caused her to be that way, so now she can learn to deal with her trauma in a healthier way. Not being so closed off and mean will help the others talk to her. Catra didn’t quite understand why she’d be mean to any of them. They were all so nice, though a little weird and overbearing.

Once she remembered it all, she’d have to make some adjustments to her opinions and way of thinking. Until then, Catra will just have to trust her friends and do her best to heal with their help.

Catra smiled.

“Alright. Sorry. I’ll try not to go back to being so awful.”

The others were quick to reassure her.

“You weren’t exactly awful.” Scorpia corrected. “Just in a really bad mindset.”

“We’ll make sure you don’t go back there.” Perfuma said. “Don’t worry. We’ll teach you the proper way of handling your emotions and such. If you remember worse things, which I’m sure you will, then you can talk to any of us and we’ll figure out how to deal with it, then. You’re not alone anymore.”

“We’ve got your back, kiddo.” Netossa agreed, giving Catra a thumbs up.

Catra felt like a weight had been lifted off of her. Whatever happens from then on, she had others to support her.

Catra nodded, smiling in relief.

“Thanks.”

Melog suddenly butted her shoulder. Turning to her companion, Catra turned her attention to Melog.

“What’s up, buddy?” She asked.

‘ _Tired. You also need to rest with your mate._ ’

Catra snorted and stood up. She turned to the rest of the group, mostly Perfuma.

“They’re hungry. I should get them something to eat. Plus, I’m gonna go tell Adora about this. It was her idea, after all, that I talk to you.”

Perfuma gave a nod.

“Alright. Well, thanks for coming to us. Another session, same time, next week?”

Catra nodded in agreement.

“Sure. Maybe Adora could come? I’m still getting used to being around other people and she just makes me feel safer.”

“No problem at all.” Perfuma said. “If you ever want to talk to me before then, just send me a message and we can meet up. If I can’t meet with you before next week, call one of the others.”

Scorpia, Netossa, and Spinnerella nodded.

“Anytime at all, kiddo.” Netossa said. “You and I have a strange relationship. Mentor type style. Adora and Spinny have the same thing. Think of us like your adoptive aunts, but cool. If you need anything, shoot us a text on the trackerpad.”

Catra smiled, happy to know that she had formed a sort of family dynamic here. That was good. Melog was immediately all over the older couple, purring happily, chattering away with joy. The princesses looked amused at their behavior. Catra giggled. She went over to pull Melog off her friends. Melog finally walked away. Catra shook her head, looking at Netossa and Spinny.

Catra then replaced Melog and hugged the two older women.

“Thanks. It means more than you know.” She said.

Both princesses smiled at one another and hugged back.

It was good to see Catra so unapologetically affectionate. Much different than the young women they’d known before. This was a welcomed change. It only got better when Catra all but pounced on Scorpia. The taller princess of the team easily caught her, eager to cuddle the feline girl.

“Thanks, best friend.” Catra told her. “Can I call you that?”

Scorpia gaped at Catra.

“Of course, Wildcat! Oh this so amazing! If only Bow were here! You’re so cute!!”

Catra grinned and purred lightly. That was not reaction anyone expected. When Catra pulled away from the hug, she saw the four princesses looking at her, as if she were some imposter. Catra looked at them confused.

“What?”

Perfuma smiled, shaking her head.

“We’re just getting used to the new you. You would’ve never let anyone call you that before. Even though you clearly are.”

Catra blushed, now hearing that so many people thought that she was cute. She could guess why they thought that about her. Catra thought Melog was cute, and they were pretty similar in behavior, given their psychic link in emotions.

“Oh. Well, thanks. I don’t really mind it.”

Catra gave a hug to Perfuma, who happily returned one. Taking a step back, Catra jabbed a thumb over her shoulder towards the castle.

“I should get going. See you guys later?”

“You bet!” Scorpia replied.

Netossa and Spinny waved.

“Thanks for stopping by, Catra.” Perfuma said.

With that, Catra and Melog ventured back towards the castle. Catra went over everything that had just happened in her head.

Catra without the trauma. Hm. Wonder what that will be like. The others sounded pleased at the idea. Sounds like her past self wasn’t very mentally sound or very happy with herself. Maybe this time around, Catra can be her true, non traumatized self.

She had to at least try. If not for their sake, but her own recovery.

A meow brought her out of her thoughts. Catra looked down at Melog, who was walking beside her, gazing up at her. Catra gently pet the top of their head.

“Looks like I’ve got a lot of work to do. You think Adora will be proud?”

‘ _Of course. She wants you to be happy and healthy. I remember what you were like before. Scared, insecure, mistrusting, misunderstood. Perhaps Flower friend is right. I would also like to see how you grow and evolve without your past weighing you down like before, affecting your every thought and movement. This can be a chance to really start over.”_

Start over. Catra didn’t really have a choice, but it did sound like a idea. She could do it, with the help of her friends and Adora.

Eh. They’ll talk about it over some cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment below your thoughts on this chapter and maybe some suggestions for next few chapters cuz I need ideas :) hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra, accompanied by Adora, Perfuma, and Scorpia, attend her next memory retrieval session. It goes slightly better than the first, but the new memories still leave Catra shaken by her past self’s behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Self-hatred, Catra’s not ok mentally, low key suicidal

"Ready, Catra?"

Catra worried her bottom lip. Her grip on Adora's hand tightened. She lifted her gaze from the floor, shifting it towards the two sorcerers. For that memory retrieval session, Micah and Casta were more patient and let her take her time. They even let Perfuma and Scorpia sit in for the session, just in case what happened last time occurred. Heck, even Melog was there, mostly as a way to tell how she was feeling during the session. The alien cat was pacing around the room, occasionally rubbing up against someone for comfort, but then shying away and repeating. 

It definitely helped Catra feel safer from any imaginary threats. However, she was still standing, her grip on Adora not letting up as she looked from the Micah and his sister, to the make-shift bed. 

"I guess so." She muttered. "Better to just get it over with.

"We'll be right here with you." Adora assured Catra, squeezing her hand back. "And remember, it's only memories. Nothing can physically hurt you. I'll stay right next to you, holding your hand, if you want."

Catra's ears flattened, embarrassed that she would have to rely on Adora for security, when she was a fully grown woman. Though, no one seemed to think the suggestion strange, so it mustn't be that big of a deal to them. Catra shyly nodded in agreement.

She and Adora walked over to the bed. Adora knelt down beside the bed, Catra lying on her back. They remained holding hands. Just like before, Micah and Casta stood on either side of the bed. 

Casta spoke up.

"Just like last time, Catra, close your eyes. Micah and I will sift through your mind and look for any lost memories. If something comes to mind, telling us out loud. Anything you may remember. Alright?"

Catra nodded.

"Got it."

With that, they began. Micah and Casta close their eyes to focus their magic. The atmosphere in the room changed. The lights dimmed suddenly, a orb of light appearing above Catra. 

No one spoke for the first few minutes. Adora's eyes switched from the glowing orb, to Catra, and then back to the orb. It was fascinating to watch, though Adora couldn't help but feel nervous. Catra seemed relaxed, maybe a little nervous, but of course she was. 

Catra suddenly broke the silence.

"I hear screaming." She said. 

"What kind of screaming?" Micah questioned gently.

Adora looked down at her girlfriend. Catra's brows pinched together.

"Um... anger, I think."

Catra sucked in a breath.

"I feel so angry. I think I'm the one yelling."

Catra's face screwed up, as if she were trying to make sense of it all. Her face softened.

"I'm.... I'm back at the Horde. It's all dark and gloomy and metal."

Adora ran her thumb over the back of Catra's hand. Catra licked dry lips.

"I'm yelling at people. I feel so angry and... scared."

"Of what?" Casta asked. "Can you see who else is there?"

Silence.

Catra's expression softened.

"I see... Scorpia."

Adora looked over to where Scorpia and Perfuma were sitting nearby. Scorpia seemed just surprised by her name being spoken. Then, it softened to understanding and... almost pity.

"It's ok, Wildcat." Scorpia spoke up, knowing Catra could hear her. "Remember, all of this is a memory. We're friends again."

What on earth was she talking about? Adora turned her attention, to Catra, who looked almost horrified of what she was remembering. 

"I'm yelling at her." Catra said, as if it was a revelation. 

"Do you remember why?" Casta pressed gently. "Can you feel the thoughts that were going through your head at that moment?"

Catra swallowed thickly. She nodded.

"Yeah. I...."

Catra took a shaky breath. 

"I was scared. I didn't want her to hurt me. Leave me. So, I.... I pushed her away instead. I did all I could to make sure she left me. Hated me."

Adora was concerned when a stray tear ran down Catra's cheek. 

"They were right." Catra whispered. "I drive people away. I see a lizard person."

The suddenly change in subject was jarring for everyone in the room. Adora looked over at a teary-eyed Scorpia being comforted by Perfuma. She snapped back to attention.

"Uh, that would be Double Trouble." She informed Catra. "Glimmer's cousin. They worked for you as a spy in the Horde."

"Double Trouble." Catra repeated, trying out the name. "They?"

Adora nodded, though Catra couldn't see it.

"Yeah. They. They're a mercenary."

Another few moment of silence. Catra's confusion seemed to disappear.

"Oh. Them. I think I remember them."

"Good." Micah commented. "What do you remember about them? Any physical features? Moments?"

The royal siblings continued shifting through Catra's memories, to find anything they could. 

"Blonde hair. Lots of green. Um... their body's changing. Maybe a shapeshifter?"

"Right?" Adora said, smiling. "Good job so far, Kitten."

Catra giggled. "I think DT called me that too."

Adora pouted. How dare someone else call Catra that. She almost felt jealous. 

Catra's smile slowly fell. 

"I can hear them. Talking to me." She said. "DT. They're taunting me, I think. Something about me, not really wanting to be a villain. They say... that I'm the problem. You push everyone away, Wildcat. No one needs me. Wanted me. Trusted me. I... hate them for it, but I feel like I agree. I remember being so alone after that. I hate myself. I want to..."

Catra shed more tears, her eyes squeezed shut.

"It's all happening so fast. I feel so awful and sad and I just hate myself."

Adora's heart broke. This was insane. Catra had told her about Double Trouble and what they'd said to Catra during her meltdown in the Horde, before the whole Prime thing happened. According to Catra, it was probably the lowest point of her life. Seeing Catra remembering that time hurt to watch and listen to.

"I can't do it anymore." Catra spoke softly. "I feel so hopeless and like it would be better if I just... was gone."

Adora's eyes widened. She looked over at Scorpia and Perfuma. Perfuma didn't seem fazed by Catra's words. Scorpia was the opposite. 

Gone? What does she mean, gone? Like, dead?

Adora turned back to her girlfriend.

"Anything else, baby?" She asked. "Anything else you can see or hear?"

Catra shook her head. "Nothing. Just... sadness and... and so much despair. I think I tried to kill myself. I don't know. I feel like I wanted to then, but I don't remember anything after thinking about attempting. I just remember being so done and tired of trying. There was nothing left for me. Nothing to live for anymore. I was alone and hated and..."

Catra's bottom lip wobbled, clearly overwhelmed with emotions.

"Can we stop?" She requested.

"Of course." Micah said.

The glowing orb slowly disappeared into thin air, the lights brightening up again. It took a bit for everyone to get their bearings again. The atmosphere was tense.

Catra opened her eyes. She sat up, with the help of Adora. 

The magicat looked towards her friends. More specifically, Scorpia. 

"I'm so sorry, Scorp." She wailed. Scorpia wasn't that much better. The gentle giant got up and went over to Catra. She scooped up the smaller, crying woman, hugging her. Catra sobbed and sobbed, almost violently. She clung to the Scorpioni princess, repeating apologies like a mantra. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucked up person. I'm so terrible. No one likes me and I was so angry and- and-"

"I already forgave you, Cat." Scorpia shushed her. "We're all good now. I still like you and so does our friends, so don't talk bad about my bestie."

Catra only cried harder. They worried Catra would vomit if she continued like this. Melog must've had the same idea, because they fetched a trash can, holding it in their mouth. Scorpia sat down, not letting Catra go. 

"Breathe, Wildcat." She said. "It's ok."

Catra hiccuped. 

"No it's not!" She sobbed. "I'm horrible and a bitch and I hate myself."

Catra suddenly gagged. Scorpia and Adora was quickly to move Catra, so she was kneeling on the floor, hovering over the trash can. Catra puked for a bit, still crying a bit, but the need to keep breathing forcing her to calm down. Casta fetched some water and a towel. 

Once Catra was some form of calm, she took the towel and wiped her dry mouth. Her body trembled from the strain. 

"Sorry." She croaked. 

"Don't be." Perfuma said, shaking her head. "It's good that you felt so strongly about your past actions. It means you feel bad about it and you know you wouldn't repeat them. As Scorpia has said, you two have talked it out and are now on good terms again."

Catra was lifted up so she could sit on the bed. Perfuma stood in front of her, smiling softly.

"Your feelings are valid and your emotional instability should be seen as a factor of why you acted the way you did. You didn't see your own worth, so you pushed others away before they saw what you saw and abandoned you. That way of thinking is a result of your abandonment issues. However, we'll get into that more during one of our sessions. Right now, I'm more concerned about how your mental health is right now. How are you feeling?"

Catra sniffled. 

"Tired. Like I want someone to run me through with a sword. Death sounds nice right now. That's fucking dark."

Catra closed her eyes, unable to keep them open. She leaned against Adora's shoulder. Adora wrapped her arms around the mentally and physically exhausted magicat.

She looked at the other two princesses, smiling kindly.

"She should probably get some rest, but I don't think she should be left alone for a while. Just until the aftermath of today is over. The aftermath of her last session.... was pretty concerning."

Perfuma and Scorpia nodded.

"Poor Cat." Scorpia sighed. "I feel bad for her. If you need anything, let us know."

Adora nodded. She lifted Catra in her arms, standing up. Catra suddenly shifted. She weakly waved an arm at Scorpia. 

"Corps. M' sorry for bein' a bitch. You're awesome n' give great hugs. Love you. Super pal trio, or something?"

Scorpia chuckled. She ruffled Catra's hair.

"Yeah, Wildcat. Super pal trio. I'll even tell Entrapta, ok?"

Catra grasped blindly for Scorpia. Scorpia raised a brow. She took Catra's smaller hand in her pincer. Catra pulled her pincer to her mouth and gave the hard shell small kitten licks. Everyone, but Adora, was super confused. Did Catra think she was a cat or something? 

Scorpia looked at Adora for answers. Adora shrugged.

"Kitten kisses, I think. It's an instinct she stopped doing when she was a kitten. From what I've read, I think it's a thing Magicats do when they claim someone as part of their group. Like a marking thing. Kind of like their version of a friendship bracelet."

Catra drowsily stopped, on the verge of passing out. Scorpia on the other hand, was looking at her as if she was the most precious being in the universe. 

"Oh." Was all she could say, getting choked up.

Adora giggled.

"I'll let you guys know how she's doing after she sleeps for a while."

Perfuma nodded, taking Scorpia's arm.

"Of course. Call if you want something." 

Adora turned to Micah and Castaspella. The two older adults were watching them, seemingly drained as well. Micah gave a nod to Adora.

"Just watch over her." He said, an air of caution in his voice. "If she continues to have low mood and certain thoughts, let us know right away."

Adora gave a nod. She left the room. Returning to their shared bedroom, Adora walked in, having a guard close the door behind her. Adora had no problem getting Catra into some comfortable clothing. Catra would occasionally be helpful and not cling to Adora and maybe sit up enough to get her corset off. 

Why on earth did Catra choose a corset of all things to wear in the Horde? Those things don't look comfortable. Guess she'd have to wait until Catra got her memory back. 

Adora changed into some lazy clothes as well. Not exactly her night clothing, but just an outfit that would be comfortable to stay in bed for a while. Turning off the light, Adora tucked Catra in, climbing in beside her. She lied down on her side, staring at Catra as she ran her hand over Catra's mane. 

Catra mumbled something, leaning into the touch. A quiet purr came out, filling the silence. 

Adora smiled. 

Catra opened her eyes just a little. She looked at Adora. 

"Hey, Adora." She whispered. "Thanks. For being there today. I don't know what I would've done without you. Sorry you had to deal with me again. I know my past is filled with painful memories for you all. It must be difficult for you guys to go through it all again."

Adora was taken aback.

"Hard on us? Catra, you're the one who has to remember it all over again like it's the first time. If you think for a second you're not also a victim on this whole thing, then you're more brain damaged than I thought. Yes, you did some very bad things, but it all started with your trauma. If Shadow Weaver hadn't hurt you like she did and was actually a good parent, maybe things would've turned out differently. It all started with her. You may have done some bad things as a result of your trauma, but you still have unimaginable trauma. Your trauma isn't less valid just because you did ended up choosing bad choices as a result. That's how you dealt with it, and it's valid. Your pain is valid and don't let anyone say otherwise, because no one knows what you went through more than you, no one else can say shit to you about your experiences. It doesn't excuse your actions, but it does validate your feelings. We'll continue to tell you this until we die. We forgave you already, Catra. You're a better person now and you're learning to undo all the manipulation and the cycle you were trapped in. That's what's important and I do love you. Never doubt that."

Catra was silent. She just scooted closer to Adora. Adora lifted an arm as an invitation. Catra moved close, Adora's chin on top of her head, her arm around Catra's waist. 

Catra still had a sense of doubt in the back of her mind, but she knew Adora wouldn't lie to her. None of her friends would. That calmed any worries she had for the time being. 

They loved her and that was enough for Catra. Sure, she'd definitely need a few therapy sessions to process everything, and maybe more reassurance from the others, but she was getting better and no use being upset over it now. Catra chose to believe it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter was written ok. Let me know what you think :)


End file.
